I keep an actual journal, which is private, so here's my less detailed, hopefully not everyday (?) updated, random, sometimes irrelevant, out of sequence, public version. Enjoy!
Hold vs Grab
Holding vs grabbing relationships.
There is you, your partner, and the relationship. Three separate pieces. Most don’t see three pieces. They see two, them and their significant other. That’s it. With this mindset, the focus is only on them and the partner. It’s a dyad, which can easily become a tug of war. When we are unaware of the relationship as it’s own separate piece, it’s easy to just grab and pull the rope. Taking, wanting, controlling, manipulating, desperately trying to mold the person into our idea. Since there’s just two of us, it’s easy to see it as a game of win or lose. The by product of this behavior is what I call “grabbing” the relationship.
If we see the relationship as a separate identity, one that we truly care about, it becomes a system. Now there’s another element at stake, something that’s greater than the parts (you and him/ her). With this mindset, it’s easier to hold instead of grab. Holding means to support, embrace, respect, wanting the best for the relationship and doing everything within your power to make that happen. It’s our mindset with our children. We consider their needs before ours and will gladly sacrifice our own needs to give them what they need to grow and prosper.
If we see our relationship as a separate identity, like our children, we will give our partner more space. We will let go. We will stop trying to control. We will respect. We will drop the rope because there’s something bigger at stake, the relationship.
If you changed your mindset to holding your relationship instead of grabbing it, what would that look like? How would that manifest in the way you treat your partner?
Imagine if everyone had this mindset.
A tough thing about life is that even the people you care about the most are going to disappoint you sometimes. And sometimes the people you care about the most aren’t going to know how to be there for you. And it’s going to be hard to not resent them for it, it’s going to be hard to not be mad at their reaction (or lack thereof). But when the initial fog of disappointment clears, you have to remember that it’s really not fair to be angry at someone because they didn’t respond how you needed them to, because how could they know? You have to teach people that. You have to show them. It’s not always easy to sense, it’s not easy to just intuitively know. Fuck, I don’t even know what I need sometimes.
My mind is a jumble this morning of trying to put aside my initial knee jerk reaction of anger and find some understanding. When you’re hit with disappointment, it’s hard to focus on anything other than how it’s making you feel. Selfish, perhaps, but human. We live in our bodies every single second of every single day and it would be silly to think we shouldn’t think about how something affects us and makes us feel. But, ultimately, if the relationship is worth it, you’ve got to come out of that initial place of frustration and try to see the other side (like you so desperately want the other person to do). Any kind of relationship (romantic, friendship, work, parent, whatever) is a lot of work. So, I’m sitting here this morning trying to step outside myself a little bit and find some understanding because it’s rare to find people who just get you and you them.
The love of my life :)
Which I will be enjoying again in 5 days!!!
Paige: I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness, and to have the patience that love demands. To speak when words are needed, and to share the silence when they’re not. To agree to disagree on red velvet cake, and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.
Leo: I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other.
I love their vows.
I want the DVD!!!
I love my imperfectly wonderful life :)
(Source: whenvanitystrikes, via goddamnyourebeautiful)
4/20: I don’t need to smoke, I’m already high on happiness :) four wonderful months with my happy.
I miss kissing until I’m out of breath.
He makes my heart happy :)
I don’t care if I’m late for National Sibling Day…he’ll always be my baby brother :)